my fourth lament

Gosh, it's been a while since i've written in this blog but what the heck, i'm writing in it again.
It's summer and we have summer classes, ahhh... when is my "vacation" coming. I've always secretly detested summer (not secret anymore isn't it ^_^). It's hot, it's boring, it makes me think of thoughts of conquering lands which arent even on my horizon of thought.
During summers (way back when i was a kid), i remember me and all my cousins would "re-unite" and play with and against each other. And even if we fight, there would always be that unspoken agreement that we were united. But now, everything's changed. And no one's to blame (ofcourse! ughh!). I would use to love those summers coz sometimes our aunts would take us to get aways like an amusement park, the beach, island hoppings, and we'd have so much fun. But those are memories now and I would sometimes think if they had ever happened. I feel like our family's falling apart. No one seems to trust what the other kin is saying or listen to it (between the lines). I wish I was forever a kid and I hadn't need to listen to adult gossip, envy and suspicions. I wish I was a kid again so I wouldn't rack my brains trying to find a solution or even a reason to this mess. I wish I was a kid so I would be back to that grease-faced, tough, stubborn and naughty little runt who'd climb trees and wish she was a long lost daughter of some other family and one day she would be reunited with them and none of this problems would face her again.
I use to love those summers coz its the time when i dont have to wish for a beach outing or a trip to our mountains (ours daw, char)
I really hated those summers also because i never did remember being anyones favorite..........
But those summers are gone and now i've grown up (i think). And i've realized that you cant change your past but you can do something about your future.

my third lament

I was so upset today coz my bestfriend left me at the school lobby in order to catch the bus. I guess she forgot that she had to wait for me. If my classmates hadn't mentioned that she left earlier I would have probably waited for her for the whole day and probably worried as to why she hadn't come.
I needed a hug that day
but no one was there
I wanted to cry today
but really no one cares
I dont demand anything from anyone and I'm a loyal friend yet why, why am I always being left out. Am I expecting too much?
Am I overbearing? Stressful to be with? What's wrong with me?

my second lament

If my meddling aunt hadn't asked the bank to close my mom's accounts there, I would have graduated from an exclusive private school and graduated with enough confidence to stand up for myself and what I truly believe in. Maybe I wouldn't be so confused and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be so looked down on. My thoughts linger in the past and what could have been if my relatives weren't so meddling. I would not have been an average girl with average grades with a secret boyfriend and a complicated family story which no one could never understand unless they were in our family.

my first lament

my first lament would be about my mom. I wish my mom would trust me to go out with friends, to have a boyfriend and to laugh and shout to my heart's content in public places.
I wish my dad would have a stable job and not be home all the time lounging around.
I wish my grandfather had not died without paying his debts to my mom.
I wish I had stayed at the school where i found my first bestfriend and i wish she had remembered to invite me to her debut.
I wish we weren't pushed down to the dirt and I wish life would just be easy for me and my family
but then again, life isnt that easy. It never was easy even from the moment, we got out of our mom's wombs.

introduction

This blog will be my output for my secret sorrows and pains. this blog would be my dark side. things i'm too afraid to say to others, i will post here.