It's been so long since I listened to the pleas of my heart
I just want to stop breathing
I'm stopping all reactions from coming
preventing thoughts from returning
as I see them
I know why he does them
and it works...
the reactions I had before
it's still the same
is he really testing my patience
is he really testing my growth?
what does he want to accomplish?
could I really be that conceited in thinking of these things?
am I really just pretending?
trying to cover up the wounds that he made
but it's too late. him and me.
some things can't be put together once they've broken
maybe one day he'll realize reasons to smile
but if this is a test, passing it would hurt a lot of people
failing it would hurt me
because of him, I can write
because of him, I can pray
2 different men in my life
I thought I couldn't choose
but one of them tests my decisions
one of them would support either
either way, I'm at a loss
I still can't make decisions by myself
I don't know what to do
He always sparks me to write
poems, stories
He inspires me in his silence
The other inspires me with his words
And while I know I am happy
I also know why I am sad
I also know why I can't breathe
Maybe it's a simmering anger
Maybe it's a simmering hope
After 2 or 3 years he's gonna give up
and yet I'm hoping he will not
Even now, he makes me write.
I just want to stop breathing
I'm stopping all reactions from coming
preventing thoughts from returning
as I see them
I know why he does them
and it works...
the reactions I had before
it's still the same
is he really testing my patience
is he really testing my growth?
what does he want to accomplish?
could I really be that conceited in thinking of these things?
am I really just pretending?
trying to cover up the wounds that he made
but it's too late. him and me.
some things can't be put together once they've broken
maybe one day he'll realize reasons to smile
but if this is a test, passing it would hurt a lot of people
failing it would hurt me
because of him, I can write
because of him, I can pray
2 different men in my life
I thought I couldn't choose
but one of them tests my decisions
one of them would support either
either way, I'm at a loss
I still can't make decisions by myself
I don't know what to do
He always sparks me to write
poems, stories
He inspires me in his silence
The other inspires me with his words
And while I know I am happy
I also know why I am sad
I also know why I can't breathe
Maybe it's a simmering anger
Maybe it's a simmering hope
After 2 or 3 years he's gonna give up
and yet I'm hoping he will not
Even now, he makes me write.