Getting out of my box

I've been so wrapped up around myself that I didn't know what's been happening with the people I love. I am really disturbed that I didn't know what my bestfriend has been going through and I feel inadequate that I was not there for her when she might have needed me the most.

Reach

I grasp at the straws of goodness and brightness around me
Trying to ignore the darkness I was holding within

Letters to A

I miss you and I just want to hang on the phone and talk to you but I can't do that. It would be unfair and annoying and selfish of me. But I wish it was like the old days where I'd be the spoiled brat that annoys you before the day is over, demands your time and nags you.
I wanna tell you how my day was so boring and interesting and how I want to go home. I wanna rant to you and just complain because I have no one to complain to (and now literally no one anyway) but I can't because I made a choice. Sigh. I know things are different now as they are supposed to be but I can't help but miss you and long for your presence. However, my mind hasn't changed that this space is what I need. Let God take care of the rest of my story.

In my own form of art

Tinted orange, the sun has set
I glided down the lush green mountain
On a bike with my best friend
And let the wind kiss and caress my cheeks
As I raised my hands and embraced it
Until I die I don't want to forget that moment
My heart may burst with passion
with appreciation of God's creation

Ranting and wondering

I guess it shouldn't surprise me because it's already summer time but I still wanna rant. Hehehe
I wonder how you can stand not to text me or message me or anything if you had loved me. Not even a status post or a random text. I guess I wasn't that important or us breaking up wasn't that big a deal. I'm kind of disappointed.
I wonder how you can have such online presence now and never before. Though I guess its because it's summer vacation already.
Can you really stand it all? Unlike me who could never stand it before... :(
Oh well... Carry on with my life... Hehehe

Alone but not lonely

I am alone but I am not lonely. True, I miss talking to a person who has no choice but to listen to me nag and rant and just talk about random things but it's okay. Right now, I feel like I am learning to take each day one at a time. I have somehow found courage to do things I would never do by myself and I feel like I am forced to grow up and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I would even say it's been long overdue. Meanwhile, I've been busy with family duties, council duties and church duties. And I hope all of that goes well. :)

Letters to A

Hey, how are you? A few days have passed and I've missed you. Though, I can't go back on my word anymore and just say it was an April fool's joke. I think this is also a time for us both to think what are our priorities. I wish I can still get back with you, as of now, I am optimistic about getting back with you. And if and when that time comes, I want it to be last and final. I don't want another break up song. I don't want another fickle moment. Maybe he's just an alibi I used to get out of a relationship that I don't see anymore the direction.
I am also not planning to do the courting anymore. I just want things to flow by itself. I don't want to be the one steering this ship anymore. I pray God would steer it and I know He would steer it the right way. As I have always prayed for in the past; Be safe, be strong, be healthy, be wise, be diligent.
Don't let me be the one that weighs you down. Right now, you are also weighing me down. I know I'm missing people right now, I'm missing you a lot. But if we don't separate, I don't think I'll be able to grow anymore. I don't think I'll be able to concentrate on my studies. I have to think by myself for now and stop thinking about you. Stop thinking about us. I can't say "I love you" anymore... Not yet. Even if I did, I can't. Not yet.
Sincerely,
N

No April fool joke

Today, I broke up with you. I broke up because I wanted to deal with serendipity, with soulmates or twin souls or whatever the universe has conspired with Fate to make this cruel joke.
I want to apologize though I dont know what for. Maybe because I know I have hurt you.
I am exchanging my Good mayor with the Pied Piper of Hamelin.
I dont even know where this will take me. I foresee a lot of Trouble in the future especially if it does happen that we are twin souls.
However, God knows everything and I dont want to do things by myself anymore and I dont want to leave A senselessly waiting for me.
Sometimes I wish this magic never happened but only on the tip of my brain, because who can tell where this road is going? And when have I ever refused an adventure? My bestfriend has described me as the dangerous one because of my inclination to decide when my feelings are at its peak, but rarely do I regret those types of decisions and oftentimes I am more at peace when I folow my intuition.
Right now I can say my mind has taken a reckless pace and I am not sure if my heart is in the lead but if Fate and Serendipity are working together I dont know what will stop them.
And when twin souls meet... it almost always leads to a revolution around them.
Dear God, surely it wont be too hard... please?