When depression is my Muse

When Depression is my muse

And sorrow my wine

I drown myself in bitterness

And sometimes cross a line

At times I see the better days

Just beyond the noose

Then again I see some light

And pretend it just needs some booze

And when morning comes

My alter life begins

The social A-list butterfly

Who can sometimes be recluse

The jack-of-all trades

The wonder volunteer

I feel like such a hypocrite

Even to those I hold dear

Because as I smile it doesn't widen

And my heart is not light

I think life can be so boring

And then sometimes its just all bright

But today the rain in my head cannot stop

And all I really wanna do is put my life on Stop.

Mid-20's crises

I thought awkwardness ended when I graduated from highschool... But no, still that socially awkward girl masking as a post grad student who quietly listens to everything you say in agreement when my mind is shouting expletives about how you should handle things. No, they dont do that in adult world it seems, you just let them be their stupid idiotic selves and watch them burn... Sheeesh.

I feel like nobody listens to what I say and they just prefer to be in their comfort zones or "safe" zones where they think their choices are socially acceptable but I cant help not feeling any sincerity at all.

Charity, service... It's all a shallow facade.

It's like the ends justifies the means or something and I DONT LIKE IT. I don't like this adult world where I'm supposed to fit... T_T