A chapter closed

I say good bye to you
good bye to the love story that never was
And never will

I close a chapter now
And forever, in this lifetime
Because I believe in soulmates
I believe in love

Thank you for the magic
Of that once in a lifetime dream
sitting by the ocean
hidden by a gleam

Thank you for the talk
that was really more
Our souls somehow met then and there
and we knew

How can I cry
Over something that never spilled
How can I bemoan
something that never started

Still this heart of mine still cries
coz goodbyes can be so sad
But, I still have to say it
Good bye Pied Piper

My love's chapters

What do I really feel? Do I feel lust? Love? I feel like my heart's made of marshmallow, soft and maybe kind of shallow. But sometimes I think its like clay, easily molded to what my mind tells it to be. What is love? Is it the secrets shared in kisses under the rain. Is it the awe and wonder at the flying lanterns in the sky. The surprise of finding miracles in the middle of desserts. The cool breeze of the sea at night.

Is love the hands that hold me together when I think I'm shattering but whose hands are these? That which know who I've been and where I was. Why do you hold me once and yet let go. We danced to the music of our souls, we talked with the demands of our minds, yet that momentary waltz all but ended too soon even before I knew the music stopped. That momentary music that paused in the middle of the dance. I was left hanging and now I don't know where to go. Will you at least let me go? My Pied Piper of Hamelin. Take off this huge rock that you have lodged between my heart and mind. Your story is unfinished and I really hate it so.

You are a coward, a "Peter Pan". Who talks so much of the world and human nature. Yet you test too much the patience of a human heart. It is not in your hands.

Letters to A

Hey, how are you? A few days have passed and I've missed you. Though, I can't go back on my word anymore and just say it was an April fool's joke. I think this is also a time for us both to think what are our priorities. I wish I can still get back with you, as of now, I am optimistic about getting back with you. And if and when that time comes, I want it to be last and final. I don't want another break up song. I don't want another fickle moment. Maybe he's just an alibi I used to get out of a relationship that I don't see anymore the direction.
I am also not planning to do the courting anymore. I just want things to flow by itself. I don't want to be the one steering this ship anymore. I pray God would steer it and I know He would steer it the right way. As I have always prayed for in the past; Be safe, be strong, be healthy, be wise, be diligent.
Don't let me be the one that weighs you down. Right now, you are also weighing me down. I know I'm missing people right now, I'm missing you a lot. But if we don't separate, I don't think I'll be able to grow anymore. I don't think I'll be able to concentrate on my studies. I have to think by myself for now and stop thinking about you. Stop thinking about us. I can't say "I love you" anymore... Not yet. Even if I did, I can't. Not yet.
Sincerely,
N

No April fool joke

Today, I broke up with you. I broke up because I wanted to deal with serendipity, with soulmates or twin souls or whatever the universe has conspired with Fate to make this cruel joke.
I want to apologize though I dont know what for. Maybe because I know I have hurt you.
I am exchanging my Good mayor with the Pied Piper of Hamelin.
I dont even know where this will take me. I foresee a lot of Trouble in the future especially if it does happen that we are twin souls.
However, God knows everything and I dont want to do things by myself anymore and I dont want to leave A senselessly waiting for me.
Sometimes I wish this magic never happened but only on the tip of my brain, because who can tell where this road is going? And when have I ever refused an adventure? My bestfriend has described me as the dangerous one because of my inclination to decide when my feelings are at its peak, but rarely do I regret those types of decisions and oftentimes I am more at peace when I folow my intuition.
Right now I can say my mind has taken a reckless pace and I am not sure if my heart is in the lead but if Fate and Serendipity are working together I dont know what will stop them.
And when twin souls meet... it almost always leads to a revolution around them.
Dear God, surely it wont be too hard... please?

my fourth lament

Gosh, it's been a while since i've written in this blog but what the heck, i'm writing in it again.
It's summer and we have summer classes, ahhh... when is my "vacation" coming. I've always secretly detested summer (not secret anymore isn't it ^_^). It's hot, it's boring, it makes me think of thoughts of conquering lands which arent even on my horizon of thought.
During summers (way back when i was a kid), i remember me and all my cousins would "re-unite" and play with and against each other. And even if we fight, there would always be that unspoken agreement that we were united. But now, everything's changed. And no one's to blame (ofcourse! ughh!). I would use to love those summers coz sometimes our aunts would take us to get aways like an amusement park, the beach, island hoppings, and we'd have so much fun. But those are memories now and I would sometimes think if they had ever happened. I feel like our family's falling apart. No one seems to trust what the other kin is saying or listen to it (between the lines). I wish I was forever a kid and I hadn't need to listen to adult gossip, envy and suspicions. I wish I was a kid again so I wouldn't rack my brains trying to find a solution or even a reason to this mess. I wish I was a kid so I would be back to that grease-faced, tough, stubborn and naughty little runt who'd climb trees and wish she was a long lost daughter of some other family and one day she would be reunited with them and none of this problems would face her again.
I use to love those summers coz its the time when i dont have to wish for a beach outing or a trip to our mountains (ours daw, char)
I really hated those summers also because i never did remember being anyones favorite..........
But those summers are gone and now i've grown up (i think). And i've realized that you cant change your past but you can do something about your future.