not so good, i'm a bit downbut that's an understatementyou know,i'm never ever going to camp
so where do i start pouring outmy depressing thoughts
first of all, i am not going to camp and that thought is causing a lot of chain reactions in my mind,one of them is running away from home(i'm almost 18 anyway)and another which i'm very embarassed to talk about is killing myself,which has been entering my mind lately,nevermind the fact that i really hate people who do those kind of things and i'm apalled at myself for even thinking about it
and this is really not just about camp (it's probably a teen thing, you know, with suicide a fad or something)i'm probably in a depressive state of adolescencewhy i think of these kind of stuffis because i'm starting to think i'm this single meteor in a vast space where all the stars are twinkling and shining yet here i am wishing i was one of them shining starsi want to study something else than nursing and i think its suffice to say that i'm really fed up with this course but since i started it i may as well end it and anyway, even if i wanted to be the youngest "professional" film maker/scriptwriter in the Philippines i will never ever ever ever beand i know that first chance i get at getting out of nursing (i will still try my best to study nursing after all)i will take it. i'm also a fed up with my parents and my family (please just dont judge)everyone says our house is a homebut i dont really love iti love it when its just usbut its always crowded(maid is not counted with the crowd)anyway, my father always says our home is a sort of "safe house"he termed it such since everyone from falling doves to runaway prisoners would always find a warm shelter here until they can find another placemy father is annoyed at that and so am i, more if i may say so myselfmy mother is such a helper and everyone she tries to help always come herethe beaten servants from the chinese bossthe runaway guy who just killed the town bullyanother guy who killed another guy and his family coz that guy also killed his family (and brutally if i may add)the girl who cheated on her husband so their family would have something to eata client who is in trouble since the papers he held were illegal or somethingmy dad's coz who has a run in with some guys whom he bumped with his carmy mom says work, other times, for family but it's really annoying the way she just dives in when people ask for help but ofcourse i support it(most of the time)gosh i make her sound like a heroanyway, that's my momand thank God we dont always have those people most of the timei'm also annoyed at my brother coz he's so disrespectful (maybe that's my fault, i was super mean to him when we were youngbut i cant help it but get frustrated when he talks back to mei really hate itand i really hate it when my parents dont allow me to slumber parties, camping trips, religious activities... etc...i feel like i'm being barred from what i want, what i should do with my lifei love adventure and every misadventure for me is an adventure(most of it anyway)i just think that they dont understand me, i mean mewhat would you feel if your parents just told youthey cant trust you coz you laugh too loud in public (my mom told me that)i really am in a depressive mood this period of my lifehahayand having a cold doesnt help eitherby the way, thanks for hearing me out^_^but dont worry about it, k?
