my 11th lament; contd

i just wanna cry today coz i dont understand, i thought and believed he'd love me until the end but seems the end just arrived. i think i'm really getting emotional but to actually hope to love the person who loves you and finally loving him then in the end you find out his love wont last long...
its heartbreaking and i want to cry.
i mean i really want to cry. as in super.
i seldom cry, its really not me.
i've been called the ice princess, i've been called numb yet its the first time i realized that i'm willing to go thru forever with him yet this is what happens.
i cant blame him though. and i cant blame me. i'm probably going thru naive phase for the second time.
i just wanna cry.
wish today would pause and everyone would pause with it.
then i'd cry, cry until it stops hurting then face the world again with a smile.
i wish i can believe this is just a phase.
i wish to believe in us.
yet his words, my recent doubts, i really cant say i dont see this coming yet it hurts, it hurts, it hurts...

my 11th lament: dont cry

to fall for once
and yet to break
is this the pain
i have to take

i thought i'd love
and be loved back
and took for granted
the love i lack

he was the one
or so i thought
so long i hoped
i'd love him back

and now i've fallen
all has failed
i feel my heart
has gone back to its state

long ago, it failed to love
and now this melted ice
stop melting, please
my broken heart

keep the pain
dont break apart
all will pass
all will pass

my tenth lament

i dont wanna lament because i was so happy last week since my dad actually allowed me to spend the night over at a friend's house which was like 2 towns away.
but my classmate had to steal something which isnt his and i think we were bad recorded in the resort's sheets.

i guess, my dilemma would be about my ex. even if we officially broke up after a year and 7 days, we met again after a few months and things got a little steady and i mean a little. he'd pick me up from school sometimes even if its so far away and we meet sometimes...
sounds like getting back together huh.

but recently he hasnt contacted me since and i dont know what to make of it. i dont wanna make a big trouble it but i'm tired of reaching out to him. its time, he reached out for me, if he really feels the same. anyway, if he isnt for me then, i've no choice but to accept that we arent for each other. after all, there are still many fish in the sea.