my 13th smile

I am really avoiding to post laments here already coz I had a goal to be happy. To change my sad disposition. I noticed, sorrow has been my inspiration for my poems for the past few years that I had learned to write. I wish to write of happiness and not sadness. For now, I'm opening up my old wounds. Wounds that have piled up... I want them healed. In a way they have leaving "living" scars... but this time I want those scars dead. These things, I have created for myself, I can't heal them by myself... Maybe I've found God. Maybe I've stopped being lost. Maybe this is really my year after all... My year of change and growth. Hopefully I've gone out of it... That dark place. I refuse to go back... But if I faced my inner demons... would that help? or would I fall again... If I am sad... it makes me write... I want to write when I am happy... But the darker shades... they're more "writable". Writing about happiness makes me feel cheesy and corny... Tsk... got to find a comfortable zone. I wonder though.... and I pray... that my current boyfriend would be the one. But if he's the one... I think we would face many hardships...